Oliver Wood's Thoughts on Fanfiction
by just giddy
Summary: what oliver rants about after finding this wonderfully loverly website of ours.


**KHz, well, I got a bunch of good review's on Katie Bell's Thoughts on Fanfic so figured I would try my hand at an Oliver Wood one. Oh gods I hope this doesn't ruin the first one…**

Oliver is normal

**Katie is bold**

_Angelina is italics_

**_Alicia is bold italics_**

Well, I hope the lot of you are happy. You've taken my Scottish pride and stomped on it. You rampaged on it with mal intent and flushed it down the toilet. And thanks to you lot of-of-of authors, I am no longer who I am. Let me rephrase that. You took Oliver Wood and mauled his very being.

Thanks to you, I appear to be a schizophrenic. At one point, I am snogging some random girl in a broom closet and later getting slapped in the face several times. Now why would I do this? Don't you people know how tight of a ship I run?** _yes-_**and that's why I wasn't asking you, Spinnet. I run a damn tight ship**-**_like your abs?_JOHNSON! _oh yes, darling captain of ours?_ That's another twenty push ups! Do you see what I mean? with the Quidditch season up and running, I don't have time for**-a life?-** actually Bell, I was going to say a good snog every now and then**-**_too many details, Wood. _

on this, I think I am going to have to agree with Spinnet. I am so sick of finding these stories that drown me in bloody details. And have you ever noticed that the details always come flooding in when I'm happen to be with one of my chasers? Even if it's just at breakfast and my hand skims over theirs when I reach for the butter? And on more than one occasion it's been with more than one of my chasers. well that's juicy gossip. get back to warming up Johnson. Do you see me here? Running a good practice. This is how I like things.**a totalarian dictatorship?**no, simple. Quidditch is simple, practice is simple, me having a wild shag with a team mate is not simple. Least of all with Bell**-what do you mean by THAT?** could you imagine a relationship with that lass? Be suicide at best.**why thank YOU, Wood, although I'm sure a full day with you is no walk in the park.**_ I don't think you could handle it Katie.** I don't think you could handle him.**_** that's because he's a lost cause in that area of expertise.** do you see what I mean? absolutely impossible.

And another impossibility is that I am…well…you know…_gay (_but honestly, this could be the biggest insult to my masculinity that I have ever heard of.)ESPECIALLY with Percival Weasley, Roger Davies, Mr.-Perfect Cedric Diggory, Marcus Flint or an other member of the male population. **I dunno, Wood, can you prove that?** _yeah, I haven't seen you with a girl for quite sometime.** actually I saw him come out of the west wing broom closet with Emily Dawson.**_** Emily Dawson? Getting a little desperate Ollie?** GET BACK UP THERE AND JUST PASS THE QUAFFLE FOR MERLIN'S SAKE OR I SWEAR THE THREE OF YOU WILL BE DOING LAPS AT FOUR IN THE MORNING ALL WEEKEND!** fine, jeez, don't get your boxers in a twist.** _yeah, we wouldn't want Cedric to have to come and help you-unwind. _well that was thoroughly uncalled for…

The day I'm found in a broom closet with one of those three is the same day I resign as captain. It's also the same day I turn into the softy several of you have portrayed me as. I'm a damn keeper and captain for Christ's sake! What makes you think that I'm going to bawl on the floor when we lose a game? If that happens what do you think everybody else will do?

And why do I suddenly turn into the perfect boyfriend when Bell walks by? **still last naming me Ollie?** just because she's a sweet girl doesn't mean that I'm suddenly going to cancel practice because she says she has a potions test the next day.** _well there was that one time…_**and do you notice that when ever the girl needs help I am suddenly a straight 'O' student and willing to be a helpful tutor? People, there is no time this far into the year other than Quidditch._we've noticed._**we just had a dawn practice yesterday, remember? You came into our dorm screaming, demanding we get our, oh, how did you put it? "Lazy lass asses out to the pitch". _well put. _I try.** like I said, currently, there is no time for anything other than Quidditch. _and a good snog with Emily on the side._**you know for a Ravenclaw she's not that smart….**_**yeah, why are you with her anyway?** _I AM NOT WITH DAWSON NOW WILL YOU THREE PLEASE GO BACK TO PRACTICING?

Here many people would write that I was snogging Emily just to get Katie jealous. And this might be true if I really was snogging Emily Dawson or if I did want to make Katie jealous. **oh look, he used my first name. How sweet, I'm touched Ol', really**. stop with the sarcasm already Bell. As I was saying. Me + Bell equals good friends at best. Four years on the same team does that too you but four years cannot make up for her over whelming personality

No body on the face of this planet is more outspoken than Miss Katherine Ann Bell. not only that, but she is also 5'7" and 125 lbs.-_stalker…-_ of stubbornness. She also nibbles on her quill and bites her bottom lip when she's thinking. And she's always smiling. It is so frustrating to try and run a serious practice with Katie flying around smiling and laughing for no good reason other than the fact that she is alive and breathing. Sure it's good to be upbeat but I am trying to run a team here Bell. **oh so that's why you've been running us ragged? I had NO idea!** GET BACK UP THERE! Sure she's a great chaser, but do you see what I mean? complete lack of focus.

And a complete lack of focus would be exactly what would happen to me if I started dating one of my chasers._notice how we're property all of a sudden.** we're not just chasers.**_** we're HIS chasers.**what does that mean Bell?** you know damn well what that means.** enlighten me? **MY chasers, MY team, MY year, damn it Wood, it's not all about you! We are living breathing witches. **oh really? Because you lot have been acting like a sack of hormones lately**-what does THAT mean?** you know damn well-**don't mock me Oliver ALBAN Wood**-don't go middle naming me Katherine Ann Bell-_notice how we get nothing done at times like these.** I don't know what you're talking about, I'm enjoying this.** _JUST GO PRACTICE AND DO NOT STICK THAT TONGUE OUT AT ME BELL! do you see, completely immature.

Like I said, she is a great chaser and if should could just get her priorities sorted out she could be one of the best. She's the only one that can actually run the plays let alone pay attention while I explain them out and when she wants to she can be a great girl. Notice the use of the word 'girl'. yes, she still is a girl even though she is only two years younger than me. Not even really when you figure that my birthday is in November and hers is in March. March 14 to be exact and-

**HEY WOOD? **

…oh great, here she comes…What is it now Bell?**what exactly is it you have against me? **what do I have against you?**I don't know! That's why I'm asking! You've singled me out more than a dozen times during this practice! **I don't know what you're talking about.**You are a Quidditch Nazi! Did you know that?**no, but thanks for the heads up. And now if you will please- **I will Not go back to practicing until you tell me what the hell it is that I did wrong! **you're completely unfocused!**UNFOCUSED? Oliver, it's freaking five in the morning! I'm just trying to focus on flying straight! **well that would be helpful after that last move you played so will you please FOCUS SO I CAN STOP FOCUSING ON YOU?**WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT-?**

……………………….

_Notice how things like this keep happening?_

**_practices are starting to get so racy. _**

_ok, I can't watch this this early in the morning._

**_we should probably go and pass a bit…I guess. _**

_yeah, you never know when he's going to come up for air and yell at us._

**Hmm….yeah, totally unsure of this. I did this in like ten minutes and I'm not sure whether I like it or not, I might un-post it. Hmm…. I think it's too much like the last one. I mean, that's what I was going for but it ends the same way. Might remove it later…**

**Anyway, please send me a lovely review!**

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**so basically i wrote this after i wrote the first one with katie and before i wrote 'problems'. but i didn't like it and never posted it. then after i posted 'hlaf of my heart' i was muddling through my thousands of old, unused files and found this. i read it and some of it made me laugh. so now that im not as insecure as i was im posting it. so hope you liked it and please review cause i am a review whore in occurence to popular belief. ahahaha**

**lots o love**


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